My step father John Mixan left his body 4 years ago on September 14th. I am grateful for new insights and healing around his life and death.
John passed just 4 days before my birthday, letting go after a long battle with prostate cancer. Roughly a year prior I distanced myself emotionally from the kind man who was always there to listen to me and provide gentle encouragement. At a lunch with my mother in 2011 John told he did not want to or was unable to feel emotions related to his cancer. He did not want to work with essences.
Fast forward to last week I felt an anger not dissimilar from what I felt that day in response to a person at a 5-day workshop called Radical Aliveness. This lead to me processing John’s passing in a new way. The experience was transformative, I was brought to tears and a profound realization.
After the workshop came to a close I stayed behind not wanting to leave angry. I had interrupted another participant when she was telling her story and did not include herself when discussing the group. The anger I felt at her judging the group’s healing process brought me face to face with the fact that I closed myself off to John in his final days.
So, I had been using the Light Expression essences Loss and Grief, Astrology Essences and a custom remedy made to support my own and the other 30 participants at the workshop to feel more connected and at peace.
With the support of 3 new friends I released guilt I felt about distancing myself emotionally from John and feeling like I failed to save him. Now, I know rationally that it wasn’t my responsibility to care for him, to heal him. Yet, I felt terrible because I was unable to help him. This realization lead to me affirming that I can love my family and not feeling responsible. Finally, I felt and now stand in the truth that I can love my family and not feel responsible for their well being.
I feel more free than I have in a long time! I want more and will apply to the Radical Aliveness training program starting next month.
What a big week. Essences truly have the ability to peel away layers of pain. With the support of courageous people who care for us new levels of joy and expression was experienced. Thank you John. Thank you to all of the Radical Aliveness leaders and participants. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday week.